The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
