Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
