dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
