just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
