Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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