At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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