i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
