I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
