PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize