Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
