My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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