Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
