he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize