does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
