2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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