Well douche your snatch and let's go!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this will be a night to untag.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
