I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
