If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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