Do you still have your period?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
