wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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