My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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