is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i already hear my dad disowning me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
