I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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