i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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