I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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