So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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