I wannas sexs uuuuu
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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