3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need help removing her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
