I wannas sexs uuuuu
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had to cum in my sink.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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