You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize