omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
