I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
