Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
