OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize