I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
