I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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