My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
