Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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