Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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