I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize