Pappa wants mamma naked
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
