It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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