so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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