my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
