I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
