Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
