She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
