Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
