$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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