Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
