Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
