you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
