Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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