Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know her cup size but not her name....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
