my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize