i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
