She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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