found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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