I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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