Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize