Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
