I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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