Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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