Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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