Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
