I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
