I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
