Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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