Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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