what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The air taste purple.
Randomize
