Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
